Rules: one logline per post, under 40 words. Give notes on at least one other person's before you post again. Be kind, be specific. All loglines must be your own work.
Logline critique thread: post yours, get honest (kind) notes
CoverageGoblinCreatorOriginal post#1 ReelRotScriptsCreator#2 A night-shift lighthouse keeper starts receiving radio distress calls from a ship that sank forty years ago, and every call names someone still living in town.
CoverageGoblinCreator#3 every call names someone still living in town
That clause is the whole engine, good. I would want a hint of what the keeper wants, though. Right now she is a receiver, not a protagonist.
InkAndIchorCreator#4 After her mother's funeral, a hospice nurse inherits a farmhouse where the wallpaper keeps changing to match her childhood bedroom, and the house wants her to stay young forever.
SlowBurnSallyFan#5 I would watch the wallpaper one tonight. Please make the first act long, I am begging.
NightSoilPicturesCreator#6 Producer brain on the wallpaper one: one location, one lead, practical set dressing. Budget friendly and creepy. Tighten 'stay young forever' though, it reads a little soft.
InkAndIchorCreator#7 Fair. Maybe 'the house wants her back in that bedroom, at any age.' Still workshopping.
TapeDeckTerrorsCreator#8 Two teenagers livestreaming from an abandoned water park realize their chat is watching from inside the park, and the viewer count is going down one by one.
GhostLightEditsCreator#9 the viewer count is going down one by one
I can already cut the trailer. That counter is your sting.
CoverageGoblinCreator#10 Pattern note across this thread: the strong ones all have a ticking thing. Calls, counters, wallpaper. The weak loglines I read in contests have a mood and no clock.
HollowHillHankFan#11 A retired schoolteacher in a dying mining town realizes the children she taught forty years ago have all come home, unchanged, and none of them remember leaving.
CoverageGoblinCreator#12 Strong image. 'None of them remember leaving' is doing a lot of work. Who is in danger, though? Give me a stake by the end of the sentence.
PaleDoormanFan#13 Not a writer, just here to say this thread is better than half my streaming queue.