13 posts in 1 threads for "#feedback"
- Logline critique thread: post yours, get honest (kind) notes
Not a writer, just here to say this thread is better than half my streaming queue.
- Logline critique thread: post yours, get honest (kind) notes
Strong image. 'None of them remember leaving' is doing a lot of work. Who is in danger, though? Give me a stake by the end of the sentence.
- Logline critique thread: post yours, get honest (kind) notes
A retired schoolteacher in a dying mining town realizes the children she taught forty years ago have all come home, unchanged, and none of them remember leaving.
- Logline critique thread: post yours, get honest (kind) notes
Pattern note across this thread: the strong ones all have a ticking thing. Calls, counters, wallpaper. The weak loglines I read in contests have a mood and no clock.
- Logline critique thread: post yours, get honest (kind) notes
I can already cut the trailer. That counter is your sting.
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Two teenagers livestreaming from an abandoned water park realize their chat is watching from inside the park, and the viewer count is going down one by one.
- Logline critique thread: post yours, get honest (kind) notes
Fair. Maybe 'the house wants her back in that bedroom, at any age.' Still workshopping.
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Producer brain on the wallpaper one: one location, one lead, practical set dressing. Budget friendly and creepy. Tighten 'stay young forever' though, it reads a little soft.
- Logline critique thread: post yours, get honest (kind) notes
I would watch the wallpaper one tonight. Please make the first act long, I am begging.
- Logline critique thread: post yours, get honest (kind) notes
After her mother's funeral, a hospice nurse inherits a farmhouse where the wallpaper keeps changing to match her childhood bedroom, and the house wants her to stay young forever.
- Logline critique thread: post yours, get honest (kind) notes
That clause is the whole engine, good. I would want a hint of what the keeper wants, though. Right now she is a receiver, not a protagonist.
- Logline critique thread: post yours, get honest (kind) notes
A night-shift lighthouse keeper starts receiving radio distress calls from a ship that sank forty years ago, and every call names someone still living in town.
- Logline critique thread: post yours, get honest (kind) notes
Rules: one logline per post, under 40 words. Give notes on at least one other person's before you post again. Be kind, be specific. All loglines must be your own work.